With regard to Ms. Kaufmann’s lengthy lament, “Army Families Under Fire,” published in the Washington Post on May 11, 2009, the authors of the http://luckyarmywives.com blog – Pearl & Mercedes (currently serving as volunteers, FRG leaders and participants, moms, bake-sale fundraising maniacs, and armchair quarterbacks of their commander spouses’ battalions) tossed all Army spousal responsibilities to the XO and made haste to rebut.

Upon reading that we are quietly “coming apart at the seams”, we twisted around to check the stitching of our big-girl panties. Whew! Our big-girl panties are still intact (but might need to be right-sized if we continue to up-size). Thank goodness our adult coping and decision-making skills didn’t get stretched out in the wash!

Upon reading that we are “embittered”, we strolled the sidewalks of our Department of the Army sponsored Post housing - male-spouse challenged as evidenced by the pollen-dusted trucks parked along the streets – listening in on the pleasant conversation (aka gossip) and laughter emanating from wives gathered in front yards throughout the neighborhood. We overheard hints of the magic experienced as wives of soldiers – chit-chat about how the dishwasher load and unloading fairy, the washing machine loading fairy, the transfer the clothes to the dryer fairy, the clothes folding and putting away fairy, the grocery buying fairy, the dinner making fairy, the drop off and pick up the kids from school fairy, the pick up the toys fairy, the bed making fairy, the haircut appointment making fairy, the doctor appointment making fairy, the pick up the mail fairy, the pay the bills fairy – the twinkling wonder of fairies that had left trails of fairy dust throughout the neighborhood that very day!

Upon reading that landing “your soldier in hot water” with presumptive comments is akin to martyrdom, we gasped! For, as much as we love our soldiers, they are not welcome (nor ever invited) to show up at our places of work or where we volunteer and negatively comment – in a very public forum - on our bosses’ performance. In fact, from our experience, the very act of spousal inclusion in the civilian workplace is akin to tossing a twelve-pack on the bosses’ desk around 10AM and suggesting an all-day, company-wide bender. It is the privilege of the military spouse to be graciously included as a participant in the day to day operations and concerns of their soldier – not an invitation to gush forth like the Hoover Dam drowning out all possibility for overflow consideration.

Upon reading that there are “too many families falling through the cracks”, if you’re an Army spouse – you’re living large on the tax payers’ dollar. Free healthcare? Check! Education benefits? Check! Pension? Check! Your spouses’ tax free deployment money? Check! The list is significant and lengthy. Medical concerns? We can personally speak to the tracking system, medical and emotional rehabilitation structure and personal care provided through Walter Reed Medical Center - Washington D.C., Brook Army Medical Center - San Antonio and the follow on services of the AW2 Project. Each step of the way our soldiers are guided, assisted, and rehabilitated by loved ones, unit support groups (CARE Teams) and other outside agencies such as the Fisher House Foundation.

Upon reading that we are “effectively taking from the people we are trying to support”, we’d argue that the newly developed use of commander's discretionary funds is an incredible relief to those of us who are becoming a bit embarrassed by our weekly pimping of hot dogs within our own ranks (as well as dismayed by our inability to tightly curl the ribbon as we gift-wrap for $1.82/hr). And, religious leanings aside, we’ve allocated two minutes of daily thanksgiving – timed to coincide with the warbling of Retreat at 0500 – for the assignment of Family Readiness Support Assistant positions to each battalion.

Upon reading that the Army has frustrated families in the "’trenches ‘”, we must contend that we’re excited about the specific trench building opportunities available to Army families! Dig this - you and your husband are always traveling down a river to your next assignment (generally in a weathered canoe or leaky life raft) with all your worldly possessions strapped in any available space. You can either focus on getting from one destination to the next or you can use your time more wisely (this idea of “using your time more wisely” isn’t necessarily specific to using the pharmacy on post but you’d be wise to sign up for the self-managed care program). We suggest experiencing each moment rather than always planning for the next destination. This means choosing your level of involvement and accepting the consequences of your life choices (your choices include your partner choices and your career choices - whether that is managing your household and/or a career outside the home).  The continual Army life changes will generate unbelievable stress but there is an upside! Consider this – every time you jump (or carefully step into) the canoe, you can make a fresh start. You can be anything you want. You can be involved with your husband’s assignment or you can find your own niche. But, you will always be the lucky Army wife!

And, having taken a whiff of Ms. Kaufmann’s concerns through the LuckyArmyWives.com sniff test, we absolutely do take offense (specifically to our olfactory senses) concerning the “rank-based officers' wives coffee groups”! We have always – and will continue to – fervently advocate the use of deodorant and/or antiperspirant for all lucky Army wives!