There are a few Army posts that might be appealing to our soldiers but absolutely do not bring out the stars in our eyes! Some hints that you’re most likely heading to one of these less than stellar locations: your soldier continues to go in early and work late – avoiding any potential questions from you concerning PCS-ing – although his replacement has arrived, has a nameplate, and is hovering outside your soldier’s door; your soldier offers to take you shopping – for shoes AND a new handbag - when you ask “have you got those orders, yet?”; and/or your soldier begins extolling the value of spending quality time with the family, growing one’s own vegetables, and taking up knitting to while away the long evening hours.

Don’t get us wrong, Pearl & Mercedes have enjoyed every post location to date; however, there are a few Army post locations that make us wonder why in the world we didn’t marry a sailor so we could lounge in our beach chairs, snap our fingers for a fruity cocktail, and enjoy balmy evenings dancing on big ships! We’re not pushing direct fire on a few Army posts – rather, consider this a heads up that you might have to become extremely creative concerning self- and child-entertainment! Scrabble, anyone?

All Alone in Alaska (Fort Richardson, Alaska): Tellingly, the Fort Richardson homepage (http://www.usarak.army.mil/garrison/sites/local/) headlines the local hunting opportunities, humorously touting “Moose News”!  Although there is the promise of a four-wheeling Todd Palin coming to call, it’s more likely that a 300lb moose or a bear might roam into your front yard to visit with your panicking pet! Looking for family activities? Pack up (your absolutely warmest weather gear) and head to the mountains – making sure your neighbors have your longitude/latitude to provide to the Fort Richardson soldiers desperate for an opportunity to practice their mountain rescue techniques.

Kimchi in Korea (US Army Garrison Yongsan): Pick up travel-size toothpaste, breath mints, and multiple packs of gum as you’ll be eating Kimchi at every opportunity – and we personally believe that garlic is the main ingredient of every pickled dish! When you’re on the treadmill, you’ll note an odd odor – blame the kimchi; when you start sweating while shopping in outdoor markets, the kimchi will revisit via your pores. Don’t let this sway you from experiencing the traditional Korean food, just don’t try and blame odd odors on your children. Army wives around the world do tout the benefits of the shopping (and the shop owners do love their American visitors!) particularly the shopping outside Gate 19 and the heady bargains found in Itaewon (ah, the platform shoes!).

Dismal in the Desert (Fort Irwin, California): “Helllloooooo out there?!” Fort Irwin is wonderful if you’ve just been at Fort Drum; but, as a very wise girlfriend once said, "They do not make enough wine for me to move to NTC"! Heading to Fort Irwin? Consider it an opportunity to really, really make and deepen friendships with your neighbors (even those flying a freak flag high and proud) – and most likely home-school your children. And, there is also the opportunity to increase your knowledge of the insect community as you will become quite familiar with the giant cockroaches, lizards or snakes which will take up residence in your house.

Run for the Border (Fort Bliss, Texas):  During a recent trip to Fort Bliss, one of Mercedes’ children asked “Where is Mexico?” Mercedes replied, “Look to your left – your immediate left! In fact, stretch your hand out the car window and your arm and fingers will be in Mexico!” On the pro side, Fort Bliss is closer to the California coastline than, say, Fort Bragg. On the con side, Fort Bliss is pretty close to the Rio Grande (Rio Bravo if you’re local) for anyone not sporting an up-armored M1114 Humvee nor trained in combating drug-lord warfare.

What Do You Think?

• A moose on the loose is better than a Fort Hood rattler on my front porch!
• My favorite post assignment has been: ________________
• I would love to move to: ____________________