As an Army spouse, your acquaintances are generally predetermined by your soldier’s rank, duty station, and function. As a person with your own personality, interests, and activities – albeit heavily influenced by your place in the Army – your friends can actually be of your own choosing! (That’s also a very cool thing about getting older – you realize you can choose your own friends – it’s liberating once you realize you do NOT have to return every phone call, email, dinner invite, luncheon opportunity, etc. – but we digress………)

Pearl & Mercedes are "seasoned" Army spouses – and because we’ve climbed on board the USS Friendship and have managed to keep the boat afloat, we’re going to espouse our tried and true methods for finding, vetting and making new friends. (As a side note to our readers, please know that we’ve also had to jump off many a sinking USS Friendship – we will grimace through the mishaps, mistakes, and missteps in a follow-on blog!)

As part of our forced geographic expeditions; pioneering and proselytizing of new FRGs, fundraising committees, and  volunteer efforts; and the creating - disbanding - and re-creating of social networks (all without Facebook until recently!), we’ve introduced many a “friend” to our families and added (and most definitely removed!) friends from our Christmas card lists. As part of this journey, we’ve architected “the friendship model” – the quest, the meet and greet, the interview, and the vetting and the assigning of a level of commitment to said potential friend.

That said, it's time to jump on board and tighten up the Christmas card list!

Step 1 - Use Your Spyglass to Scan the Horizon: While at the commander's wife's welcome - you spy an interesting person by the buffet table - someone with a similar clothing style, no sign of a beer gut, and no spinach/artichoke dip in her teeth when she smiles. This initial sighting is generally the first step to a deeper and more meaningful friendship; however, you must beware this generally over-romanticized initial sighting. This “glance” is indicative of a potential friendship only - I mean, what do you really know about her?! This lady could have one too many skeletons in her closet – is she a Redskins fan? Does she have Kanye West tunes on her IPod? Might she spoon Nutella from the jar for breakfast (rather than the preferred organic apple bacon and eggs)? As you surely know (or your teen can explain), unfriending or defriending or nonfriending can result in your ultimately sneaking in a PCS request to the commander’s office with your husband’s signature attached. If you’re feeling confident, know the scales were off (in the appropriate direction) by at least five pounds during the AM weigh-in, have fresh breath and are sure there's no toilet paper stuck to your heel  - move on to step two.

Step 2 - Step Onto the Deck: As you move towards the buffet table and are inching your way closer to your target, push one of those flash frozen meatballs around on your plate while surreptitiously glancing over the top of your toothpick to see exactly where said target is standing and with whom. Don’t be naïve! Of course we judge you based on your posse! For instance, if you are enclosed in a tight-knit circle consisting of the chaplain's wife, the president of PWOC, and the local mayor’s wife, then Mercedes is already in reverse and falling backwards into the punchbowl.  (Per mishaps at a recent Army-sponsored couple’s retreat, God has Mercedes on his "list"; she is afraid of lightning striking those who come in close contact with her.) If Pearl, as another example, notices you standing with a wine glass in your hand, a plate of deep-double-fried cheese and wings, and your heels kicked off under the table, then game on!

Step 3 - Grab the Jib: If you’ve scouted, scanned and vetted by association, then you are ready to talk. And let’s pass on the doggy style fire hydrant butt sniffing convo – Pearl demands that you get straight to the point as every single minute of Pearl's time counts when she’s staring down a plate of deep-double-fried cheese and wings. Be a big girl and consider asking the questions which most interest you – no, not questions related to where your soldier works and/or who his commander happens to be! Consider discussing:

• Kids: This tells you how much free time she has, how late she can stay up, if she always has to book a sitter, or if she can head out spur of the moment to shop for shoes.
• Hobbies: This tells you if she's cool or not; macramé might be good for the soul, but playing blackjack for money is a heck of a lot more fun!
• Favorite Army Post: Is she a complainer (eg. Ft. Hood is sooooooo boring!)? Adventurer (eg. Alaska rocked with all that moose hunting!)? Crazy (Ft. Irwin is great for the tan!)?
• Favorite Food: This is a significant moment! If the answer is chicken enchiladas, barbecue, cashew chicken - it’s a go! If the answer is frozen pizza, Ramen noodles, or anything from 7-Eleven - your spontaneous dining out options might be limited. If the answer involves herbs, tofu, or Taiwanese delicacies – consider hosting the initial play-date luncheon at your home.

You’re almost ready to dock the USS Friendship; return next week to learn of the perils to be avoided on the high seas!